It's Times Like These When I Think of You and I Wonder If You Ever Think of Me

Tonight, I hung out with a guy friend.
I ran out the door and accidentally got in the wrong car on my street. (oops!)
I slipped into his leather seats and we were gone.

It was what I wanted. Loud Music.
He drives fast. =]
The summer heat and the smell of my perfume.
My favorite song he introduced me to on repeat.
His eyes. He could have the meanest face on and they still smile. :]
Delicious ice cream that I ate 5 bites of before throwing away.

Talking about everything. He's sweeter than what people see.

I love to be able to see that in him. I believe in him.

And even though it was the last time I will see him for a while..I was stand offish, rude even. Just so nervous and scared about everything I didnt even know what to really say to him. I said things i didnt even think to say. It was like word vomit, but with the worst, most random things. I feel like a jerk. I wish I could get back every second. Ill never forget what he said to me. About being brave.

He used to make me so angry when I first met him. Sometimes still does. haha. He's always done it to get a kick. "Whats wrong with you?!" he asks in an adjitated and taunting tone. :] "This is the start of your new life!!" But he always seems to encourage me and something about him makes me want to be a stronger,better person.

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind. About him and life as I know in the next few days.

There were so many things I wanted to tell him that I didnt. But why?

I never want to be scared to do anything. I want to be brave. Where's my bravery gone? I used to be so adventurous. He didnt say this to me. Im saying it now. I need to find this in me. -

God did not give me the spirit of fear.
I just get nervous and scared over things that I shouldnt even be worried about.

Lets all be brave and remove our inhibitions. Whats holding you back? Fear of failure? Or is it maybe the fear of yourself? That you are capable of more than you think and you dont want to step out of your comfort zone to see it? Because then you are in the realm of the unknown and you dont like the feeling of not having your fears to hold on to as a security blanket? MAYBE THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE. haha. :]

Lets tear down our walls and JUST KEEP PROCEEDING THROUGH LIFE AS IF THERE ARE NO LIMITS TO OUR ABILITIES.

And I will never waste another second I can use to show another person love.

Did I mention Im leaving for school on thursday? Listen to this song: (Maybe youre not a Christian. But that doesnt matter because the message is so inspirational and motivational. Were Moving Forward :] )

Maybe leaving and going 7-9 hours away from home will help me find myself and my sense of adventure again.

Hope its as lovely as this...Wish me luck. :]

Just Beautiful.

Tanya Dziahileva

for

Vogue Latino America

June 2010

Btw, thank you for all the new follows and comments. I am always so thrilled to read each one. I promise I will respond to all of them, I just havent had the time and have gotten behind, but please forgive and allow me to still do so :]

I love you all!!(see, told you I wouldnt waste the time without saying it) :]

XOXO

Madison